You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
- Psalm 18:28
I was at the end of myself this Tuesday. Do you have those days where you find yourself just tuckered out and exhausted? The days where it feels like you drop all the balls, run late to all the things, and lose patience with yourself and all who come into your path? The days where the weight of the world is so heavy on you that it makes it feel hard to move or do anything? That was me. I was a mess. In the midst of having to take a break from the mountain of work before me to drive my youngest boy to an appointment, I realized how tight my shoulders were and how much tension I was carrying in my body, so I asked if my boy would breathe and pray with me. He agreed, and I was so grateful to just calm my anxious heart and mind down with some deep breaths and with a wonderful reminder that it is the Lord that keeps my lamp burning…I was out of oil, but I know someone who has limitless supplies of love and patience and kindness and hope and mercy, and I fell at God’s feet, relieved that I didn’t have to carry it all alone. I didn’t have to muster up light. God has all the light we’ll ever need, and I found myself calming down and resting in that beautiful truth. I started to notice the absolutely beautiful blue bird sky and sun and the bright green trees all around me and the sweet smile on my 4 year olds face when I glanced at him in the rearview mirror. It was a gift. I guess it was a long prayer though b/c after a while, my buddy in the back seat piped in with, “OK mom, now this is BORING!!” HA ! A moment of levity. : ) We laughed and I told him that wasn’t the kindest thing to say to someone , and he apologized, and the whole day shifted! After that, I stumbled across the news that our governor , Bill Lee, has taken some leadership in asking for some common sense gun reform that will help protect our babies while they are at school and people who might be at risk for harming themselves or others. I burst into tears. It’s been a long week of sad distractions in our local government in TN, and I have been grieving the political rift in our state and country that seems to be keeping us from passing laws and legislation that will help protect our kids in school and come alongside to bring help and healing to those who are battling mental health issues. I know our hope is not in the government. The government is on His shoulders, but it did my heart some deep good to see people of faith stepping in to lead across party lines in order to best serve and protect citizens. This takes courage, and it felt like a glimmer of light in a very dark season in our city and state. It is you who keep my lamp burning, God. Please have mercy on us and keep turning the darkness into light.